Five Ways You Actually Benefit From Life’s Storms
When I was younger, I was absolutely terrified of thunderstorms. It didn’t take much to rumble our trailer as rain pelted the thin walls. The wind would howl, as if our neighbor’s (evil) pup was just outside the window, ready to attack. Often, the wind was so strong it would blow our swing set over or even move our wooden porch away from the house, with loud scrapes and thuds. Being in the middle of a raging storm is often scary for kids. Now that I’m grown, thunderstorms don’t send me into a terror, but the emotional and circumstantial storms of life often catch me off guard and bring out that same fear I had as a child.
It's difficult and scary, but still, we don’t have any more control over the storms of life than we do the storms in the sky. We just have to keep moving and get through them. We will almost always survive those storms, but what if you could do more than endure? What if you could thrive, even as the proverbial rains come pouring down? I know sometimes life is hard, but even in the darkest and most muddled times, there are blessings and opportunities all around you. It can be scary, disorienting, and feel like such a set back at times, but even the worst storms in life have a purpose.
Here are five silver linings I’ve discovered as I battled the storms in my life:
1. Focus on the Present
A lot of the time, I tend to think I’m focused when I am actually incredibly distracted. Every whim that comes my way has me off on another adventure, forgetting whatever it was I had been working at. Call it ADHD, impulsivity, or whatever other buzzword feels relatable but I’m going to call it what it is- frustrating and debilitating. It seems I’m always working but rarely succeeding. Always pushing forward but rarely making progress, and that’s because I keep changing direction.
When the storms are raging, it makes it hard to see, except for what is right in front of your face. As the clouds roll in and everything fades into the fog, it’s easy to get discouraged and feel lost. However, it only takes a small shift to bring the focus to that stumbling block right there beneath your feet. The uncertainty that clouds everything else can put a spotlight on something you’ve been tripping on over and over again.
For years, I struggled to make friends. I was generous, open, kind. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me and why I always felt alone. At one point, I was nearly homeless after leaving a bad relationship. I was stripped of all my close friends as our drama spilled over on the people we cared for and I pulled away from church and my family because I struggled with shame that I was afraid would be revealed. When I moved out on my own, I became really, truly alone. I lost my job and spent months trying to find a home, a job, a community. I came to hate myself because all I saw was everything missing from my life.
However, at some point in all of this chaos, I gave up. I felt completely defeated and I stopped trying to fit in. (Life changing!!) I tore up the proverbial plans I had written for my life and accepted that it wasn’t meant to happen, at least not my way. This brought my focus to me, though. Sure, I had ambition, work ethic, a good heart. There was a lot going for me, but there was a lot I needed to change as well. The storm forced me to slow down and look at where I was and who I was.
I didn’t like what I saw when I did. I recognized I was impulsive, had poor boundaries, and didn’t even attempt to control my emotions. All my life, I had blamed these habits on my circumstances or on broken relationships, but now, I saw nothing in the peripherals. It was just me. I had to come face to face with the reality that I was both to blame and responsible to change these negative aspects of myself that had been in my way my whole life.
After realizing these truths and beginning to take control of my life, I was so thankful for that murky vision that forced me to face my own issues. I won’t say that this was a magical key that rolled the storm clouds eternally from my sky, but it was the beginnings of a new foundation and a new me.
2. Clearing Away What’s Damaged
Another painful but appreciated part of this experience was how it cleared away broken pieces both of my personality and of my life. When the winds blow hard enough, anything that isn’t firmly attached is going to get ripped away, and that’s exactly what happened in this situation.
I watched many friendships and relationships drift away, while I was fighting to stay afloat. At the time, it was devastating, but looking back, it was truly a blessing. I had packed my life full of friendships, partners, and material belongings that didn’t benefit me. In fact, most of these things were weighing me down. I never would have given them up until life stripped them away, without giving me a choice.
Although it was hard, I slowly learned to live without these things I always believed I needed. In time, it became clear that life was so much easier without them. I began to realize I had always drifted toward a certain type of people, people who could understand my damage because they had experienced the same. There is definitely a benefit to having others who can relate to your painful experiences, but if these are the only people you surround yourself with, you won’t grow. The storms broke these weak relationships away and I discovered that I could intentionally rebuild my social surroundings both with people who could relate to me and others who would bring fresh perspective, guidance, and strength.
3. Refreshing
As I moved forward, void of the weights and responsibilities I had long held onto, I discovered a major shift in my outlook. I started looking forward, in confidence, planning for the future. By removing the shifting sands I had previously built my life on, I realized for the first time in a long time, the ground beneath me felt stable. I was no longer fighting to keep a relationship going. I was no longer hunting for a job that would give me purpose or boost my self-esteem. I was able to move quickly without always worrying how to maintain a million moving parts.
I had missed so many opportunities in the past just because I had so much to hold onto as I moved forward, but this was no longer an issue. When I saw an opportunity, I could jump on it, knowing that the things that had remained in my life thus far were securely mine. This was such a refreshing experience that freed me to think more clearly, focus on the future, and use my resources better, even though there were fewer of them.
Internally, I had been cleansed of a toxic mindset as well. I had always focused on loss and what I lacked, while taking advantage of so many blessings in my life. This prolonged storm, which stripped my ability to replace so many of the things I lost, for quite some time, taught me to focus on what I do have.
It is a small shift in thinking, but I don’t want to downplay how difficult it can be. For months, I wrote in a gratitude journal. Some days were hard and it felt as if there was nothing to be grateful for, so before I began, I chose rules. My basic needs were worth gratitude. I fought to keep a roof over my head, but still forgot to be thankful for that, so it was my number one on days I could think of nothing else. I have a strong faith in God and knew He would give purpose to everything I went through, and that was my number two. Three through five were my kids, my survival, and my drive to always do better. If I couldn’t think of anything else to be grateful for, I defaulted to this list, but I only allowed myself to do so once a week.
At first, this was very difficult for me. It felt as if I didn’t have much at all. For a while, I didn’t even have hot water or a working stove or refrigerator at home. But as I developed that attitude of gratitude, I recognized that I had friends bringing me warm meals. I had enough money to buy groceries daily. Little by little, blessings began to sprout from the dirt I had been so focused on, forgetting that I was planting seeds all the while.
4. Growth
The storms were still going strong, but I started to see a new me blossoming. It’s easy to focus on the destruction of a storm, but it’s important to remember that every seed needs water to grow. Every garden needs pruning to stay healthy. What feels like destruction in our lives is often just that, a pruning away of the dead parts so fresh, healthy growth can begin.
Another thing I learned recently is how lightning can help after a storm. I’m sure you’ve felt the sting of a massive, sudden shock that seemed to burn your whole life to the ground. Again, this can be essential to growth. When lightning sets a forest ablaze, it can take out the overgrowth and competition, leaving more space for the strongest trees to grow even more. It also changes the form of some essential nutrients in the atmosphere. In it’s typical state, nitrogen in the air isn’t terribly useful to plants, but when lightning takes effect, it can be transformed to another form in the dirt.
So what is floating around in your atmosphere that isn’t quite accessible to you? Is there anything out there you know exists, but you aren’t sure where to find it or how to utilize it even if you did? Perhaps this storm is changing your atmosphere, creating life out of thin air. Stretch out your roots and see what new things you might find around you. Chances are, after the storm, plenty has changed for the better. You just have to be ready to see it.
5. Hidden Blessings and Beauty
The final story I want to share with you is about an actual thunderstorm. It was a late summer evening and I had plans in the next town, about 20 minutes away. The rain was pounding and very hard to see through. I considered staying home, but I really wanted to attend this event, so I decided to brave the storm.
As I was driving, I saw a beautiful rainbow. The shoulder of the road was lined with cars, mostly pulled over to photograph this incredible show of nature. I’ve always been one to marvel at rainbows, but I had never seen one this incredible. Each color was vividly striped through the sky, arched from one side of the road to the other. Not only was it unbelievably vibrant, shining through a dense gray fog, but it reached the ground on each side of the road, shining in front of the trees that lined the neighborhoods.
I considered pulling over to get my own photos, but something told me to keep driving. I’m glad I did, because believe it or not, the sight got even more incredible as I continued on. I drove slowly as I noticed another rainbow as I neared the first. I kept driving, right under the first rainbow, and another appeared, just as full and bright as the last. I ended up driving through four rainbows, each one as complete and brilliant as the first.
This was a lovely reminder to me that, even in the midst of the storms, there are moments to treasure. There are experiences that you cannot find anywhere. There are miracles and magic as you continue to push forward. Had I chosen to stop, even if I stopped to revel in the beauty of that first rainbow, I would have missed so much wonder in the rest of the journey. I would have missed out on the lesson that there is always beauty ahead, always motivation to go just a little farther, and to look around and fully experience even those dreary moments, because there are blessings and beauty in the darkest times!
Vibrant double rainbow pictured over tree-lined road, photo slightly blurry, taken through rainy windshield, wipers visible at bottom of photo
Next time you’re going through a storm in your life, I just want to encourage you. Reflect on where you’re coming from. Was your focus in the present or were you worrying or allowing yourself to be distracted by the past or the far-off future? What are you really losing? As things are torn away, ask yourself, were they strong? Were they valuable in pushing you toward peace and purpose or were they holding you in a place from which you need to move forward? Once you’ve accepted your losses… what new things can grow in their place? Start nourishing the good things in your life and watch them grow! And while you’re going through tough times, remember to look for the blessings. No moment is all bad, so search for those rainbows and silver linings! I assure you there is something there!